I just started my Masters program a couple of months ago, and since then I'm done with one unit, 5 more remaining to go. Ever since I signed up for this program, which lasts for two years, many people have asked me a pretty standard question: "What do you intend to achieve after this course?" And my answers were also pretty standard: "I don't know!"
The fact is... I really don't know! When I started researching for a post-graduate program some months ago, it did not come across my mind that I have to have intention of achieving something before I venture on a program. Perhaps my quest was simply a matter of adding credibility in whatever I choose to do. Perhaps part of the reason is really a hunger for studenthood.
I wasn't the kind that do well in studies in my earlier years... flung a lot of subjects and dropped to the bare minimum of five subjects for 'N', then later 'O' levels... went to NP to do engineering, then started my career. While working, I somehow felt inadequate whenever people ask me which University I was from... my answer is none! So later on I did part time bachelor's program with SIM/UOL, and slugged it through as if went to hell and back. I even had to put my marriage plan on hold... it was tough but I enjoyed it.
Now that I'm into post-graduate stuff, things are rather different... I'm in mid-30s, with kids, rusty brain cells, but more experienced with life and still mentally enthusiastic about studenthood. I'm working on a leadership module now, frankly it wasn't as interesting as I thought it to be. Maybe the lecturers from Monash didn't quite ignite my spark, or maybe I just wasn't concentrating in the seminar. What was interesting though was the interaction with fellow coursemates during seminar sessions, all of them come from different walks of life... from teachers to military officers, principals to retirees, corporate trainers to directors... and of course some as old as 50s, to as young as 20s! Probably in his 50s, this retired army officer can be quite funny, can tap on his wealth of wisdom. In her 20s, one of this lady teacher that I know is at best 20+ I think, but she's a great thinker, quite cute when articulating her thoughts, but can definitely think well with good intellectual substance.
Now its crunch time, have to write 4000 words in 22 days as assignment. With the next 2 weeks travelling, I'm left with a week for 4000 words... so its 570 words per day, 35 words per waking hour, less than a word per minute... seems easy doesn't it? And since I can type 40 words per minute, I should be able to finish my assignment in less than 2 hours? Fat hope! Its time to stop dreaming and get back to work!
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 09, 2006
When you live your life for the sake of others...
We take for granted that we exist in a social-cultural system that is congested with heaps of social norms, perceptions and cultural expectations. The people around us builds a social climate over time that encapsulates behavioural expectations, norms, societal rules, interrelational conducts and social boundaries. They also convey their perceptions in a humanly manner, they either say it or they show it. Culturally, there are further expectations imposed as a result of the values and belief system embraced by the societal climate created.
From young, we were inculcated with Do's and Don't's. We were told to greet people when we meet them, but for what? We were told to aspire towards success in life, but for whom?. We were told to eat in a non-beast-like manner, but for who to see? We must dress well, we have to behave in a pleasant way, we should speak properly... As we grow older, we tell our children to do what we had went through above; to conduct, to behave, to act, to carry ourselves in a way that is in line with the accepted way of living in the society we live in.
While we are out, we easily spot those who are out of line in a queue. We can tell a beast from a gentleman in a restaurant. We can smell rat from rose on a person. We can do this because we have come to terms with what is and what is not conformance.
Supposing you are the only person in this world, will we still have a social ecosystem of this nature? You don't have to queue, you don't have to talk, you don't see any behavioural flaws, neither do you have to worry how others see you.
Think about it, how many people have you come across in your life that asked you to live life the way you want? To enjoy life the way you most enjoy it? To not be bothered by how others see you? To BE YOURSELF? Is it possible, at all? Yes, unless you are the only person in this world!
Like it or not, we live our life for the sake of others. While some enjoy it, some obviously don't. For the sake of others' acceptance, others' pleasure, others' perception, others' agreement, others' inclusion, we live our lives for. Question is, are you happy doing that? If not, maybe reincarnation into other beings would be the right solution for you.
From young, we were inculcated with Do's and Don't's. We were told to greet people when we meet them, but for what? We were told to aspire towards success in life, but for whom?. We were told to eat in a non-beast-like manner, but for who to see? We must dress well, we have to behave in a pleasant way, we should speak properly... As we grow older, we tell our children to do what we had went through above; to conduct, to behave, to act, to carry ourselves in a way that is in line with the accepted way of living in the society we live in.
While we are out, we easily spot those who are out of line in a queue. We can tell a beast from a gentleman in a restaurant. We can smell rat from rose on a person. We can do this because we have come to terms with what is and what is not conformance.
Supposing you are the only person in this world, will we still have a social ecosystem of this nature? You don't have to queue, you don't have to talk, you don't see any behavioural flaws, neither do you have to worry how others see you.
Think about it, how many people have you come across in your life that asked you to live life the way you want? To enjoy life the way you most enjoy it? To not be bothered by how others see you? To BE YOURSELF? Is it possible, at all? Yes, unless you are the only person in this world!
Like it or not, we live our life for the sake of others. While some enjoy it, some obviously don't. For the sake of others' acceptance, others' pleasure, others' perception, others' agreement, others' inclusion, we live our lives for. Question is, are you happy doing that? If not, maybe reincarnation into other beings would be the right solution for you.
When it is easier to beat around the bush...
Human are strange animals don't you think? As a kid, we tell or signal to mum and dad exactly what we want. When we are hungry, we either say so or cry for milk. When we need the toilet, we don't even feel shy telling the world about it. When we like someone, we hug and kiss. When we dislike someone, we just say I DON'T LIKE YOU!
As we grow older, we begin to worry how others might feel, or we just somehow figure out that it is better to Beat-Around-The-Bush (BATB) than to be upfront. In the process, we forgot that the more we BATB, the more it hurts. The more we hide our real feelings and intentions, the more we end up inviting the kind of behaviour from others which we wanted to stay away in the first place. In other words, while we thought we are taking care of other's feelings, we end up hurting them and ourselves even more in the long run. Why do we still do this? Egoism.
Arguably, human is the only animal species in existence that is egoistic. There is no relationship between gender and egoism, although it is often attributed to masculinity more than femininity. The real correlation is intelligence. The higher one's intelligence, the more egoistic one can potentially become. That explains why children aren't as egoistic (if any) as adults; that explains why the mentally challenged are oblivious to their surroundings.
When one is egoistic, one is more bothered about how others perceive them. So when a man propose to a woman, the woman do not feel comfortable to simply say no. Rather she attempt to provide a response that seek to reject the man's proposal, yet having the man perceive her to be noble. In other words, BATB. Although is it not a crime to do so, not every man read the message as it is originally intended to be. As a result, instead of reading it as a rejection and move on, more often than not he perceive hope and challenge and attempt to try harder the next time, or he perceive sarcasm and respond in ugly ways.
When your boss give you an assignment that will potentially make you lose sleep nights and days, yet the assignment is not part of your job scope, do you say YES, NO, or do you BATB? How many times have you actually seen your boss say NO to his boss, and his boss pat him on the back and say good job? How often do you see people who say NO get a promotion while those who say YES remain saying YES? So while you happily say YES to your boss for that extra assignment, you feel good being perceived as cooperative. After losing sleep for a few days, you realize that your boss has other assignments waiting for you to say YES to! So you learned not to say YES so readily, rather you created some stories to try to convince him that you shouldn't be the one to lose sleep. Unless you are a top negotiator working for NATO, your BATB effort will be seen through. So you learned neither to say YES nor BATB, instead you say NO to your boss. Unless you have a better job waiting for you in another company, your NO will only assure you that your name will be next in line in the next retrenchment exercise.
It is unfortunate that YES-men get there while NO-men stay where they are even though managers say they don't want YES-men more than they say their prayers. It is also unfortunate that lovers enjoy agreement more than disagreement, however hypocritical those agreements may be.
So human beings have inevitably used our intelligence to transform the world from innocence to hypocriticism, due to egoism. No wonder it is easier to BATB than to say NO.
As we grow older, we begin to worry how others might feel, or we just somehow figure out that it is better to Beat-Around-The-Bush (BATB) than to be upfront. In the process, we forgot that the more we BATB, the more it hurts. The more we hide our real feelings and intentions, the more we end up inviting the kind of behaviour from others which we wanted to stay away in the first place. In other words, while we thought we are taking care of other's feelings, we end up hurting them and ourselves even more in the long run. Why do we still do this? Egoism.
Arguably, human is the only animal species in existence that is egoistic. There is no relationship between gender and egoism, although it is often attributed to masculinity more than femininity. The real correlation is intelligence. The higher one's intelligence, the more egoistic one can potentially become. That explains why children aren't as egoistic (if any) as adults; that explains why the mentally challenged are oblivious to their surroundings.
When one is egoistic, one is more bothered about how others perceive them. So when a man propose to a woman, the woman do not feel comfortable to simply say no. Rather she attempt to provide a response that seek to reject the man's proposal, yet having the man perceive her to be noble. In other words, BATB. Although is it not a crime to do so, not every man read the message as it is originally intended to be. As a result, instead of reading it as a rejection and move on, more often than not he perceive hope and challenge and attempt to try harder the next time, or he perceive sarcasm and respond in ugly ways.
When your boss give you an assignment that will potentially make you lose sleep nights and days, yet the assignment is not part of your job scope, do you say YES, NO, or do you BATB? How many times have you actually seen your boss say NO to his boss, and his boss pat him on the back and say good job? How often do you see people who say NO get a promotion while those who say YES remain saying YES? So while you happily say YES to your boss for that extra assignment, you feel good being perceived as cooperative. After losing sleep for a few days, you realize that your boss has other assignments waiting for you to say YES to! So you learned not to say YES so readily, rather you created some stories to try to convince him that you shouldn't be the one to lose sleep. Unless you are a top negotiator working for NATO, your BATB effort will be seen through. So you learned neither to say YES nor BATB, instead you say NO to your boss. Unless you have a better job waiting for you in another company, your NO will only assure you that your name will be next in line in the next retrenchment exercise.
It is unfortunate that YES-men get there while NO-men stay where they are even though managers say they don't want YES-men more than they say their prayers. It is also unfortunate that lovers enjoy agreement more than disagreement, however hypocritical those agreements may be.
So human beings have inevitably used our intelligence to transform the world from innocence to hypocriticism, due to egoism. No wonder it is easier to BATB than to say NO.
Friday, July 07, 2006
When the truth is harder to swallow...
Are there situations where you feel that it is better to keep quiet than to say something knowing that you will receive unnecessary glares of skepticism?
How many times does your boss confessed that: "I don't want yes-man in my team", only to end up shooting you down because you provided alternative opinion on his idea?
You company management says "our business is growing double-digit!" when they communicate with share-holders, but says "we failed to make enough profit" when it is time for salary increment. Sounds familiar?
Have you not noticed that it feels great to hear a friend say to you that "you look good today" than to say "you look troubled"?
Do you find it easy telling your wife that the brownie you had yesterday at the bakery is much better than the one she made a moment ago?
So we live in a world that is constantly surrounded by hypocriticism. Where the truth is often not the truth, and where it is much easier to make up a truth than to convey the truth itself. So at the end of the day, what is the truth?
This is my first blog post on a subject that anyone can identify with. From the highest echelon to the man in the street, from continent to continent, from generations to generations. The intention is not to find a way to overhaul civilization, but to provide a forum for discussion on a subject that threads through our everyday life.
I invite readers to post your comments, share your experiences and argue against my hypothesis.
Like it or not, the truth is always harder to swallow... how then can we make it more palatable?
How many times does your boss confessed that: "I don't want yes-man in my team", only to end up shooting you down because you provided alternative opinion on his idea?
You company management says "our business is growing double-digit!" when they communicate with share-holders, but says "we failed to make enough profit" when it is time for salary increment. Sounds familiar?
Have you not noticed that it feels great to hear a friend say to you that "you look good today" than to say "you look troubled"?
Do you find it easy telling your wife that the brownie you had yesterday at the bakery is much better than the one she made a moment ago?
So we live in a world that is constantly surrounded by hypocriticism. Where the truth is often not the truth, and where it is much easier to make up a truth than to convey the truth itself. So at the end of the day, what is the truth?
This is my first blog post on a subject that anyone can identify with. From the highest echelon to the man in the street, from continent to continent, from generations to generations. The intention is not to find a way to overhaul civilization, but to provide a forum for discussion on a subject that threads through our everyday life.
I invite readers to post your comments, share your experiences and argue against my hypothesis.
Like it or not, the truth is always harder to swallow... how then can we make it more palatable?
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